A new day

I’m at the navy’s club, by the pool with my book.

When I woke up this morning at my parents’ I was feeling the usual nausea, the usual tightness in my legs and the usual sense of discomfort.

I reached for coffee and cigarette immediately, like I always do. It’s a killer habit I know and I also know it doesn’t support the anxiety but it’s like I can’t go without. I could barely eat breakfast – stomach was too tight.

I texted my neurologist and got no reply. At that point my anxiety had started escalating and I decided I wanted to cut the crap immediately and so I asked my partner to call him and get an effing response. I couldn’t call for two reasons:

• I was surrounded by my parents and my daughter was with me;
• I was too shy to voice my fears.

My partner called him. He confirmed I haven’t been feeling poorly due to the removal of amisulpride but rather due to my underlying condition. He insisted on reassuring me that I am okay. I am a normal person. There’s no disease in me. I have a condition that will be successfully addressed through the right medications and therapy.

I’m on my third day of quetiapine and must admit I’m feeling less worse than yesterday. So far I’ve only taken one Xanax tab in the morning.

Legs (muscles) are sore and slightly tense. I got two heat waves only since the morning.

At some point something happened this morning. I decided to pack the stuff I had brought at my parents, get into my car with my daughter and go home to change in swimsuits and come to the navy club.

We also went for a quick shopping tour, just my daughter and me as she was out of bathing suits.

My voice has been better today.

I’ve smiled.

I’m looking around me.

I’m not crazy nor will I become crazy. I’m a normal person just like everybody else, I have a beautiful daughter that is sitting in front of me right now eating her unhealthy crisps 😀 and insisting I go for a swim with her.

I’ve had bad experiences that impacted my way of functioning and thinking. New cells can be created. Check what this article says about it.

Who said I can’t be one of those people? Drug addicts manage re-wiring their brains. Of course a person with anxiety can learn new patterns and introduce new synapses.

Patience.

Faith.

Love.

And meds when needed.

I’ll be blogging about my experience with meds as soon as I’m ready to do so.

For the time being, I’ll give into my daughter’s requests and go for a swim with her ☺️